Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
