you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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