im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I had to cum in my sink.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
