He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
