we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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