omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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