He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
