Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
