Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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