did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
