i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i've created a new STD.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
