shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
