mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize