If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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