So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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