U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
