make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
