why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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