she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
