i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
