Hey man sorry I got all grabby
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
