Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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