I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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