I haven't been this sober since birth.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
