I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
