Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
