I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
