Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
