drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
