Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i now understand why vodka
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
