wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
