i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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