Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
