ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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