Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
