her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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