i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
