I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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