Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i can't believe i had my finger in that
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize