Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
