You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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