Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
