If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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