oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
