Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
