Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
