so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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