...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize