Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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