just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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