I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
