Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
