OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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