The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
