This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
