we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
