i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
