Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Randomize
