I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
