that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
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