I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
