The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
