what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
