Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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