We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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