Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
