Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
