I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
