I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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