So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
i already hear my dad disowning me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
