Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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