I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
