Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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