She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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