U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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