Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
