I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
