4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
