if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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