Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
