if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
