there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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