Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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