Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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