Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize