she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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