look no pants
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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